Leila-Anne ([info]ohtulipbaroo) wrote,
@ 2006-12-11 12:36:00
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Current music:day is done - nick drake

love -- it would be much better, I'm told.
My overall quality of life has upped itself about 86% in the past week.
We can all thank Brandon for that.
Every single thing I see reminds me of him, and I don't cry so hard about that anymore.
Talking to him makes me able to do everything again. I can breathe, I can play music, I can stay at home by myself without crying. I was filling all my time with people so I would never have to be alone in our room, but now it's okay.
It's okay.
Nothing else has improved, I'm constantly left out, I may never have a real best friend, few of my friends actually follow through with their word, but it doesn't matter. I can make myself happy now.



...


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[info]faeibruxa
2006-12-11 09:28 pm UTC (link)
You are most adorable!

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[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-12 01:25 am UTC (link)
awwe, thanks.

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[info]coatcheckgirl
2006-12-11 11:57 pm UTC (link)
I don't know the story between you two (heck, we hardly know each other, you and i!) but that's an awfully cute photo...did you split for a while but now he's back? or was he in the military? what?

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[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-12 01:27 am UTC (link)
We lived together for a while, had a horrible, horrible breakup (I fucked up big time), and he promised himself that he would never speak to me again. He succeeded for over two months. So I've been pretty miserable. He finally decided to answer/return my calls last week. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and it was killing me. Meaning, it was killing all the joy in my life. I couldn't be happy.

Thanks about the photo =]

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[info]coatcheckgirl
2006-12-14 04:10 pm UTC (link)
man i wish someone had ever loved me enough that they had to promise themselves not to speak to me again...that's hardcore shit.

so are you guys back together?

he's very cute! (and so are you!)

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[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-14 06:26 pm UTC (link)
Unfortunately, we are not back together. Who knows what the future may hold. I can only hope for now.
I really did fuck up though.
But things are getting better. We talked for 4+ hours night before last...it was phenomenally painful, but by the end, he was saying things like "I wish you were here." "Why?" "Because I love you."
Which is a whole lot better than much of our other conversation -- "...I hate you." "I love you."
He even told me "I want you to know that I say things just to hurt you and I'm really sorry that I do that. I know it's awful. But all I mean is that I love you."

You're so sweet.

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[info]sexybeasteddie
2006-12-12 01:13 am UTC (link)
I'd like to see you before I leave

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[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-12 01:28 am UTC (link)
I would also like that...when are you leaving?

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[info]sexybeasteddie
2006-12-12 01:54 am UTC (link)
I leave January 20th for 7 months

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[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-12 02:04 am UTC (link)
Alright so we've got a bit over a month.
Pick up the phone and call LEILA-ANNE

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[info]sexybeasteddie
2006-12-12 02:05 am UTC (link)
Perchance I shall. Are you living in the city?

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[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-12 02:10 am UTC (link)
half in the city, half in santa rosa.

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[info]lunap
2006-12-12 01:47 am UTC (link)
It's a good thing to realize.

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[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-12 02:03 am UTC (link)
Yeah...I wasn't able to make myself happy before. But it's sure a good thing to be able to do.

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[info]lunap
2006-12-12 07:38 am UTC (link)
I certainly identify.

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[info]murphysplaza
2006-12-12 01:48 am UTC (link)
blahblahbblaahhbllahhhblahhhlblahhhblahhHAPPYFEETblahhblahhblahh

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[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-12 02:03 am UTC (link)
TEN PEE EMM

(Reply to this) (Parent)
bananaas!
[info]cnro
2006-12-12 02:24 am UTC (link)
oh you're such a potato chip!

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ew
[info]ohtulipbaroo
2006-12-12 02:27 am UTC (link)
Ew Conor, you're such a stalker.

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[info]simulacrum
2006-12-15 03:34 am UTC (link)
I miss your sweet little face & hopefully would like to see you at CTTP soon.

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